So then what IS helpful? Would I want to do that with somebody else? Did that person make me feel good? Can I ask this person about what they want? Do I want to do that again? When I think about doing this do I feel scared, or do I feel excited? Can I talk to this person about what I want? Did my partner feel OK? Did anyone feel pressured? Then, remember that you get to ask these questions every time, and about any kind of sexual activity.
Do I trust them? If I do, would I want to do anything differently? And you can ask yourself these questions about any sexual activity, from kissing to dirty talk to touching to intercourse, and everything in between! And queer people are basically not being talked about at all! Did I feel safe? Do they care about me and my body? Women often get judged for not being virgins, and men get judged for being virgins.