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Dragon Nest Monthly - Holiday Edition 2013

Views 10697   Date 12/20/2013

Greetings, puny humans. It is I... SANTA ORC. I have captured your beloved "Claus" and hidden him deep in the bowels of my dungeon.

YOU WILL NEVER FIND HIM.

I am here to replace this "cheer" you speak of with misery and darkness. Presents? COAL. Egg nog? SUPER SLOP. Reindeer? REINDEER STEAKS!!!

And so I have descended upon your peaceful lands, to steal your presents and bring tears to the eyes of your tiny children. Do you dare defy me? Then come to the Wonderful Theme Park and travel through the portal to test your mettle against a true Santa. Knock me down and you can retrieve one of the presents. C'mon. I DARE YOU. I DOUBLE POOCHUM DARE YOU. COME AT ME, BRO.

If you're too much of a wuss to face me, then your leaders have promised to bestow gifts to all who log in to Dragon Nest during the Wintertide Festival. Gifts for free? Don't you humans understand this only breeds weakness? Your greed knows no bounds- I am told your opulent Dragon Vault has recently received new items as well, including a new Magic Costume.

I see you have also erected a Monument to honor your "heroes." If butchering poor dragons and desecrating their nests makes you a hero than I suppose you have low standards. In Orcish lore, our greatest heroes are those who could belch the loudest or vomit the furthest. That is a skill you cannot teach.

I have lost so many dear evil comrades this year. Take Kuzata for example, lord of the Green Dragon Nest.


He was one of my closest friends. We were in a book club. And you vanquished him. For what? Because he is pure evil? Hmm... I suppose that makes sense. It was pretty impressive seeing all those videos and screenshots you guys uploaded of you kicking Kuzata's butt. I do find YouTube videos entertaining... but using his scales as currency? BARBARIC.

I suppose I should expect nothing less from you filthy humans. Look at you with your smiles and your mistletoe and... holiday spirit. The holidays should be about thieving and greed, not basic human decency!


I see my other good friend the Desert Dragon befell the same fate as her green brethren. Great. Now I have no one to read books with, AND no one to get manicures with.

Did I say manicures? I meant... I meant I had no one to smash rocks with. Yes... smashing rocks.

I hear that you can travel back in time to witness the tale of King Cassius I and the Desert Dragon first hand. Something about a Memoria? Hmm... time travel, you say? Perhaps I can travel back and crown myself king of Altera....

Yes... yessss... King Santa Orc. I like the sound of that. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ahem.

As always, there are new heroes popping up every day to give me an even bigger headache. This year saw the arrival of the Kali, a powerful new enemy, err, I mean ally.


They call her the Second Prophet... I call her the Second BORING. Sure, she has amazing new skills, two different specializations with their own subclasses, and has a keen fashion sense, but does she have a SANTA SUIT? Nothing says fashion like a fat Orc dressed like Santa, amiright?


I'm sure other Alterans helped Kali with Dragon Nest's new Mentorship System. You humans certainly are obsessed with sharing and helping one another. I suppose that explains why so many of the lower-leveled humans I encounter are becoming mightier at a faster rate. If this "mentorship" you speak of crushes weakness then I'm all for it, but Santa Orc is a loner. A loner I say!


With all these powerful whippersnappers running around, it was only a matter of time before the Level Cap was increased. I heard from my fellow orcs that powerful Lv. 60 humans were burning their villages and plundering their dungeons. Professor K Nest? DESTROYED. Typhoon Krag Nest? ANNHILATED. Does your human's brutality know no bounds?! What's that you say? "Santa Orc, why are you such a meanie all the time?" Well if you must know... I do have one weakness: I love to recycle. Yes, someone as evil and dastardly as me should take pride in littering, but I am one Orc who knows how to separate paper and plastic. And you humans are always throwing your trash on the ground—


What's that? Dragon Nest has gone green? You can recycle your old outfits and transform them into shiny new ones? *Sniff* *Sniff*

What? No! No, I'm not crying!! It's just... it's... it's a Christmas miracle!

I never thought I'd say this but... Goddess bless us- everyone! 2013 was such a great year in Dragon Nest that even I, THE MIGHTY SANTA ORC, cannot help but smile.




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